Mexican Cherry : love

As we reached the final days of 2017, many thoughts pass through my mind. While playing videogames yesterday and listening to Björk's album Vulnicura, it seemed the old feelings that made me understand the story of it were just an old passage of life, one that is now out of date. This memories marked my life, let's remember 2015 and 2016 got together and punched me in my lowest, leaving me trembling on the floor and sobbing each second, while this year (without a couple of these past few days), was kind and opened the doors of pure happiness again.

I must thank certain individuals for letting me live a life full of joy and excitement, mostly my one and only rock, my 첫사랑 .

Dear,

If you ever read this, I want you to know that you were the only constant this year that I could rely on. Reaching my highest and my lowest, you were always there to support me and cheer on me while I tried to overcome plenty of obstacles. I'll be here for you, always...

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours

I could say there were characters that played an important role in this years play, and although they are always in my memory, that is what they are now...just a memory. Wish I could change some relationship outcomes but, in the end let's leave the past where it belongs and not base our current behaviour and feelings on it, with a few exceptions of happy memories of course~ It is not about forgetting, it is letting it be, whatever happened has a time and a certain circumstance surrounding the event, and even though we cannot pretend the past doesn't exist (and we shouldn't), we can grow and accept life, because life itself is a wonderful random play that throws weird acts and climaxes infinite times 💕

So, even though 2017 was something to remember and reflex on, this one is going to be a weirder one, since there is not a guideline to tell me where to step, how to go and more important...WHERE?

Let happiness knock on your door and take it down, let it stay and cuddle you to the warmest days ever, not looking back to any bad ~

No matter what happens, guess the only way is forward, but please, stay true to yourself, because this world screams us to be uniform, all the same and just followers. Last year, love taught me a lot. Love yourself, that is the main and most important thing ever...

Just like the moodboard above, my body could grasp love, sexiness, understanding, freedom...I worked plenty and never stopped for a day last year. Every single day I woke up wanting to live. A lot of those locks that were stopping me from having a wonderful romance story were faced, a lot of restrains were burned to never come back, a lot of tears was no longer in the daily roll up that contained life.

5:08 PM No comments

What makes sex good? No, what does it take to make it AWESOME?

Perhaps nobody ever sits down and actually thinks it through and I have asked those around me on what they think makes an encounter of sex, the most delightful one.

In life we get experiences that we pay for, such as trying new food, getting on a roller coaster or flying across the world, we even pay for sex and it is nothing new but, even though it's there...can we pay for good sex?

Not all encounters are magical and this is what my friends (mostly women) have told me when discussing the subject. Most of them argue it is a lack of attention to detail, which pretty much sums up in finding the clit, tragic isn't it? 2017 years counted and men still cannot find the clit...and don't get me started on the G-spot!

But gathering all information on good and bad sex, location is not the main problem.

First, let me remind you not all women will agree or identify with this, and this cherry knows there is a diversity of opinions and experiences, this is not an universal truth, just a woman telling her experience or other people experiences in this freedom space~

Getting back to it, when I exposed this topic to other women, first of all they would mention the physical aspects, you know, the obvious reasons of why a sexual encounter would fail or be prone to, but as our talk got deeper it seems like another side of the crystal came up and most of them would actually mention emotional connection.

They say emotions are tricky and dangerous, mostly one of them that plays with our daily life in every single way... LOVE.

Women agreed they would have the best sex of their lifes with those they loved and it's no surprise really! Sex is not only physical, but also a challenging and eye opening act of connection (sometimes of course). Just imagine, you are connected by a body part = penis, tongue, hand, fist... = with another person, it doesn't happen everyday! Someone is actually inside you! And when these parts have that click that makes them not only fit together but blend into pleasure, oh boy! That's when the magic happens.

They also mentioned even though the partner was not the ideal type they had in mind in the physical way, the connection they had was more than enough to keep the orgasms hitting the door, making them have the stronger ever they have experienced! Cause even with a big and porn ideal penis, emotions bring a lot to the table and they might even play against you if your partner does not feel a click.

So, sex is awesome and yes, you can have it without feelings but with them it seems women are experiencing more than good sex...they are unlocking the pleasure that comes from love and if you ever get to experience a true connection that can translate in sex too, you have discovered the MAGICAL SEX.

Until another midnight of Sex and the City inspiration

🍒🍒🍒

10:22 AM No comments

Era un día de San Valentín cualquiera, al menos cualquiera de los que pasé en preparatoria y la escuela decidió que era buena idea llevarnos a todos al cine a ver una película de zombies que sí, se enamoran y bueno, de lo lindo todo.

Antes de esta ocasión, mis amigos sabían muy bien de un crush mío, ese chico dreamy pero nerdy, que tenía sonrisa colgate y además era listo, jugaba volleyball y se lucía por lo alto. Era flaco y bastante reservado, pero para mí en ese entonces era un chico que me gustaba demasiado.

Volviendo a lo del cine, días antes decidí tomar el asunto en mis manos y confesarme, era cuando el drama coreano me daba bastantes ideas y eso de la confesión fue muy popular, así que dije ok, ¿Cómo decirle? Inventé un dichoso intercambio de regalos entre toda la clase, solo para poder comprar una taza de espresso blanca y que no me dijeran nada en casa, aparte de pensar en hornearla con un diseño hecho por mí.

El hecho de que fuera homemade también me daba esa ilusión de que el chico dijera wow! ok! seamos algo! (lo cual ahora pienso que fue super iluso de mi parte), pero bueno yo la hice toda linda con la frase en espiral y por dentro de la taza se leía:

Will you be my valentine?

La envolví y en una bolsa color morado (mi favorito), esperando lo mejor, otros detalles no recuerdo.

Ugh! Ese día me llevaron en auto al lugar y no sé si salimos a destiempo o algo por el estilo pero llegué super tarde y cuando todos ya estaban dentro de la sala. Lo que si es que mis amigos sabían que me gustaba y me guardaban un lugar junto a él, aunque cuando llegué alguien más lo había tomado, así que pasé toda la función en la parte de abajo y con un amigo que gracias al cielo me ayudó a no sentirme tan sola en el área de maestros... acabando la película salimos y todos andaban ya sea de shopping o viendo si íbamos a comer juntos.

Antes de esto llamé al chico y sin decirle nada solo le di la bolsa, porque preguntó para quién era o si me lo habían dado, extendí ridículamente mis brazos y se lo di, después de eso dijo amablemente, gracias! y nos separamos....en parte porque era la primera vez que yo hacía algo así con alguien que me gustara (lo cual era inusual) y también porque de la emoción salí corriendo lejos y llorando del shock y de lo boba que me sentí haciendo eso, aunque varias de mis amigas felicitaron el momento y lo valiente que fue.

Pasó el tiempo y de hecho fuimos a comer en la misma plaza; no lo volví a ver ese día, así que era obvio el resultado. Otro amigo solo me pudo decir que fue un "shock" para él y que no sabía que hacer, pero era obvio el rechazo, sino qué más?

Ni siquiera fue capaz de mencionar el tema, nunca hablamos de eso y solo lo dejé ir...me trató como si no hubiera pasado nada, solo amigos y ni siquiera de los cercanos. Creo que eso cuenta como experiencia de lo que muchos llaman friendzone, pero solo sé que desde ese entonces decidí que yo no haría el first move de ser novios o algo así, o sea si decir hey me gustas! pero no la pregunta que hace oficial a la pareja, porque esa experiencia me hizo darme cuenta de que quiero vivirlo, ser yo la que reciba algo lindo como lo que hice, que ese momento alguien lo preparara conmigo en mente...

Confiaba mucho en la valentía de declararse una y hacer la pregunta, pero al menos una vez en la vida, quiero sentir mariposas de que el hombre en cuestión haga una pregunta así, cursi o no, es algo que me gustaría y es por ello que dejé de lado la idea de ser yo la que hiciera tal cosa, al menos para "la pregunta" y no puedo decir que no he pensado en ello, porque cuando te pega el amor puedes hacer cualquier cosa, pero al menos en este asunto aún me reservaré ser el primero que alce la voz.

🍒🍒🍒

12:47 PM No comments

This entry might be one that a lot can identify with, since it is about a process we all go through our entire life, yes loves, it is Change.

When we are little, everyone places expectations for us, how we have to be as adults, our profession, lifestyle, even our sexuality is involved here! Every single aspect of life is ridiculously expected to be perfect, free of errors and always aspiring to become what our ancestors couldn't. Somehow it shakes our little core, influencing decisions in our path.

I will ommit the biological change for this text, later we'll be able to discuss such matters in a more detailed way, that and the adversities it has for us when it happens. Ok to go on, our mind is always processing information, brain is one hardcore worker! To me the struggle that comes with change is the hardship of moving out of comfort, out of my coccoon in which I develop for a period of time, or maybe even the routine that enhances my productivity and happiness also. Could be anything I am happy with and believe me, everytime I get to a good point in life, where I don't even worry and smile everyday the issues arise, having me thinking of the past, mistakes, future and worries overall.

It stops me from living my happy present

Even though we are forced to change by growing up and social activities recquired with age, some of us really cry our heart out every stage of life. I remember being so afraid of entering college and damn, I'm graduating this year! It is unbeliavable to me, the actual fact still hasn't processed enough in my mind to accept that in a few months I'll be crossing another stage and will have to adapt to another and scarier one no matter what.

Avoiding reality

To me, games were just a part of my day that caused fun, they give my brain a rest but also exercise some of the creativity, strategy and motor skills. It is all fun and games until you realize that you spend your day wishing for some time to play, which becomes a whole afternoon and then a daily routine.

Even though I don't judge games or people who play them, I notice that for me, they have become an escape from my changing reality, since I rather play Age of Empires than study or clean my living space. I realized the act of gaming became my comfort zone even though the majority of the time I lose in them, but it is incredible how building a virtual reality is so relaxing, numbs the mind and lets it breathe without worrying about anything real.

Until you wake up in the morning and there are no clean clothes, your bedroom is a mess and you haven't propperly fed yourself in a long time, or fed the brain some juicy information.

Recognition and Acceptation

I am not doing anything for myself.

Repeat and actually recognize that even though it is lovely to build an entire civilization or watch other people reach their dreams, you have a body & mind of your own that needs nourishment, no one else can do it for you and no game will ever let you manage real life as easy as a ctrl clic will ever do.

It feels like crap, yes! Believe me, we all go through a moment in life that destroys the cloud of numbing we sometimes live in, nobody likes to hear they're failing to themselves. And by failing I mean not taking care or listening to the person you are, no interruptions and no comfort treats of any kind but a raw version of yourself.

Once we accept that we are not really working towards anything to take care of ourselves, then change can happen. This time, change that we can sort of manage and launch without being absorbed by an external change. To me it came represented in the way of decluttering, cleaning, dieting (learning how to eat) and exercising. I'm not perfect and all of these had setbacks, but I recognized my obstacles and got up to emend them. Gotta remember life is one, is today.

So, what next?

Ok, we have discussed ups and downs, now what are we supposed to do? My honest advice and what I am following at the moment is to be true to yourself, listen to what you need (body & mind), don't give up, changes might be hard but it's happening either way, some of them are unavoidable and the best we can do is outgrow them.

⏰

4:14 PM No comments

*This content was previously posted on Bloglovin', no worries I wrote it and wanted it to appear in here too*

To be honest, completely and nothing to hide honest, there are still times I feel vulnerable and insecure.

Why? First of all, I've never been a girl that forgives and forgets quickly. Nope! I am the opposite and I only forgive when there are really strong reasons to. Life has treated me weirdly, not bad, but surely reminding me (or at least that is what my mind processed at the time) that I needed to be better, that there is always someone better than you and you can get replaced no matter what.

That thought has gotten me into discussions with others through time, but in the end it still remains, in a lower degree, but still...replaceable. It comes with a low self-esteem and the fact that most of the time I do not feel prettty at all. I do not even look at myself that much, the image of mine is distorted in my head and I remember my body and face way too different every time.

But this perception problems are meant to be written in a different post. They serve as the background of my current feelings though.

Tonight, the night the thirteenth episode of Girlboss was playing in my dimlighted room when I realised that what happens to Sophia, happened to me aswell. In a different way, but the feelings were pretty much the same. Short story, she gets cheated on and at first her mind doesn't process the load of emotions, helping her focus on the launch of Nasty Gal. She discovers the unfaithful man getting a blowjob from a girl of the band he plays the drums for...yup! She watches and goes away, but doesn't have the courage to break up with him or better said...she doesn't want to!

I have been there, you know, I have always been the jealous kind but this time my jealousy became pain. Watching my love flirting around with another girl and knowing exactly how he behaves so, everytime you see them together you know there is something going on between them, even if he doesn't tell anyone, because you love him girl! You pretty much know everything about him and there is a point where intuition makes you wonder even more. He cheated on me in a very weird way and to the day, I still imagine different scenarios, ones where I fight for what I want and confront him from the beginning. Ones where he tells me the truth and I can leave him and keep going with my life.

Don't get me wrong, my current life is damn happy!! I'm in love and enjoying life with ma special one~

❤❤❤

A year ago, everyone that knew me was tired, tears wouldn't stop flowing and all I could think was how? why is he doing this to me? Am I not good enough? and the worst of all ... Is she better than me?

These questions wandered my mind through a couple of months, I ran into her and thought if she wondered the same, if she knew the man she was flirting with or dating (I don't have the details on how far they went with their connection) was the same I loved, the same that was talking sweet to me, texting and still kissing me. We will never know, but this cherry thought she had no chance. Knewing ma man, she was way more hipster style than I ever will, she listens to music that they both enjoy, she knows more about digital programs and I won't mention what she does but, yeah they both knew about it. So, interests and looks were against me & my mind played tricks with my head making me feel like shit.

Not a beautiful girl, fat/chubby, short, straight no live hair...etc. Have you ever felt like there is something going on but you have no proof of it? Well, since he did the "stuff" in private and barely anyone knew about this situation, I had no other way of knowing what was going on. I tried to ask him but he's not the kind of man you can actually discuss these doubts with.

Going back to trust, mine was broken. I felt like everyone could lie to me, betray me and leave me. I felt like there was no one real, no one caring enough. In part that was true, but mostly it was my insecurity showing through, it was heartache pouring out of my pores, it was everything I needed to express to him and couldn't, every single question left unanswered and every time I had to see them together.

My days now are close to perfection as I wrote above, but there are sometimes these horrible flashbacks that show me what he did. How I cried my heart out and fell asleep with puffy eyes and mostly, every single time he broke my heart. Someone said that the only way to know if you can trust someone is just like that, trusting. That is the only way and even if you ask, there is no guarantee it won't happen again.

Yeah, hooray! My heart was broken once, and even though it kept loving, the healing process is quite slow, my love cannot fullfil everything and reach the areas that were neglected once, I need his help and reassurance just to know and believe that nothing bad is happening, that he won't do that again. Yes, it sounds awful, but just a single sentence is more than enough.

There are some things I wish I could change, because honestly, sometimes I feel like he is not sure about me and that is the reason of not publicly showing we are together, of not defining our status and barely interacting in other spaces where strangers don't form a barrier of privacy. These are the reasons the trust I deposit in him sometimes gets all alarmed and clingy, I am truly sorry for this.

Trust is a really weird concept and everyone gets to experience it in a different way...

Even if I don't get anything back or in return to what I do and say, believe me, he has become one of the most important people in my life and I am sorry to him for not being able to forget as quickly as he does, sorry for sometimes getting jealous of stupid things, real sorry for reacting so weird when I feel a slight sign of what happened before, if you ever read this, sorry bae...I am working on it and slowly moving on and forgetting every single detail of what happened, no matter what, remember that I love you my dear.

Till this day sometimes I'm weak and have bad thoughts, but surely wanting to improve and slowly but surely, get over these annoying trust issues.

10:46 PM No comments

Have you ever felt like you connect with the story of a character in TV? Most of the time it is just fantasy, but others the script hits you on the gut and shocks your system making you wonder how is that so like my real life????

This has happened to me with multiple movies, series and books even, but there is a show like no other, oh yes! Sex and the city (SATC)~ One of the most popular series ever made and girl, it is one of the most relatable ones also! If you haven't seen it, believe me, it is life changing.

I was exploring the instagram random posts to vary my feed and found a ton of accounts that have these stills of the show with the captions on it, quotes and else. 20 minutes later I was still going through this content, one caption got my eye and I kept scrolling, but now with warmth that filled my entire being. What was it?

For the ones that have yet to watch SATC, I won't spoil the whole story, but in Season 4, episode 8, this happens:

To be short, her boyfriend at the moment "Aidan", helps her with her laptop since it failed and she lost her entire work. He then buys a new computer and tries to help her with everything he can..

More happens in the episode but to be honest the part that inspired this post is only that fraction of love that Aidan shows to Carrie and how it made me remember how my love life has been in the very same situation!

I am not that good when it comes to technology, digital stuff in general and even though I'm passionate to learn and discover, sometimes I wander through hours of desparin trying to install something. For a few years I have been lucky enough to have a digital wizard all for myself (well, helping me with it) and it seems that this image of them just like that, took me back to every moment my man has ever helped me with stuff like that. There is this feeling of gratitude and love that just fills me up and makes me smile so wide everyone wonders wth is going on with me.

Some may call me intense for expressing my feelings a lot, but goddamn, as I always say: If I love, I love with my all and no restraint at all ~

❤❤❤❤

Love is not meant to be tied or censored, to me, expressing it is the most healthy thing you can ever do and it also assures the other part of the relationship of how you feel about them. I cannot be more thankful to the man always helping and supporting me in every way. He is way more than this scene of Aidan, even more than Mr. Big himself and if you know what I'm talking about, you must know how extreme this case is! Yes, I've been there, even though independence runs through my veins, I can sometimes feel lost and a hand of support is always good and what better than from your favorite human ever?

If you are lucky to have a special someone in your life, do not take it for granted, it is a miracle your energy matches another one and if love sprouts from that special connection, you've hit the JACKPOT!

Personally I am living in Vegas if that's the case, and don't get me wrong, not everything is perfect, but it is for sure more than ever 💕

Believe me, I will write more about SATC in the future, reminiscing, reviewing it and every single aspect this lovely show reaches.

-I might be late on my blog schedule, love and self care have taken their time to disrupt my life a little bit and make it way more fun and healthy than ever-

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