Lately life has been a rollercoaster.
From an earthquake that left me some post traumatic effect, having to change office due it and college madness that comes from dictators that call themselves teachers~ But what makes things hard everyday is not really an outside influence. I feel like now live is sleeping on a cutesy and spiraling outta control SLUMP!
And realizations came, telling me there are a lot of minds wanting me to go some way, but in the middle of satisfying everyone's needs or expectations, I lost it. Had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago and from there I could tell that every action was directed towards others and not to my own achievements. Doing stuff and not getting credit gets harder when you apply knowledge to it, when you have lived that way always and then your brain tells you: Hey! Shouldn't we get credit for things we do? Well yeah!!
After that spiraling madness of life in September my Elle Woods slash Andy from Devil Wears Prada motivation hit me hard. It sums up into these big mistakes of mine:
1.- Ok. I am not eating propperly. Not feeding my body, no no, NOT FUELING it!
2.- Worrying over the biggest test/more important one ever in my college lifetime, but not doing a damn thing about it!
3.- Watching every minimalism/style/make up/decluttering/early riser... PRODUCTIVITY videos but not applying shit to my own life.
4.- I realize I'm LATE for everything! And bae was very clear telling me I could lose huge opportunities just for arriving late every single time plus, nobody likes that, not even I like it...but now it has become a habit that needs to stop!
5.- Changing behaviour of work and productivity to stay - chill-
Abandoning your aspirations, goals or routines just to please others can become really dangerous to yourself. If you're ever in the middle of that cycle, please stop. Seems like everyone wants us to be some kind of way, but c'mon there is nothing bad with being yourself. This hit me this weekend...why did I ever stop working until late night? Why did I stop perfectioning my work? Why did I kept on putting my own confort over way more important things?
For example, dieting over 10 years ain't pretty. Let me tell you, it becomes a disastreous loop of dissapointment. Why? As far as I can tell and leaving aside ED thoughts and behaviours, there was never enough done, always leaving in the middle, when progress was not arriving as fast as wanted or when emotions hit hard and food was conforting. Tonight I tell my self... Babygirl it is time to STOP!
Time to rise above everything and reach to my inner strength. No pleasing others, time to fight for myself and don't let anyone shame me for who I am or how I do stuff. This time it is for me and I want my best! Change & progress won't be visible in one day, maybe two or maybe nobody will notice for weeks...months!
So this is the plan:
- First, follow the nutrition plan I have and stop indulging just because.
- STUDY: Even reading a chapter or concepts everyday will help.
- Wake up EARLY for once and everyday ~Always, because no, I don't need the extra 20 minutes of sleep, I need to get ready and make it early to work, noup...make it early to EVERYWHERE! This needs to become a habit again.
- Use all the knowledge on productivity acquired from other talented and productive individuals.
- Stay true to myself. Live for myself.
October is gonna be such a great month, I'm gonna own it, take it in my hands and get the badass girl that is in me right out for the world to know ~
I deserve the best and no in betweens, either yes or no
